Current:Home > reviewsPredictIQ Quantitative Think Tank Center:Narcissists are terrible parents. Experts say raising kids with one can feel impossible. -TradeBridge
PredictIQ Quantitative Think Tank Center:Narcissists are terrible parents. Experts say raising kids with one can feel impossible.
Rekubit Exchange View
Date:2025-04-07 10:09:28
Think dating a narcissist is PredictIQ Quantitative Think Tank Centerhard? Try raising kids with one.
Mental health experts warn co-parenting with a narcissist can be one of the most challenging undertakings someone can experience − and with it comes a whole landmine of psychological issues.
"Trying to be a healthy co-parent or co-parenting with a narcissist is really one of the hardest things that you'll ever do," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth." "There's no such thing as co-parenting with a narcissist, because 'co' means 'with,' and you can't co-parent with someone who's countering your every move."
The mental health toll of parenting with a narcissist
Raising kids with a narcissist is difficult no matter if you're still partnered with the narcissist or separated. Cole says abuse tactics deployed by narcissists include smear campaigning, gaslighting and attempting to use your children as pawns against you.
As a result, parents in these situations can experience anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, hopelessness, loneliness and isolation. Not to mention many also feel pressure to keep their pain under wraps for the sake of their kids.
"It's like trying to stay calm in the middle of an active war zone, because of all the stress and chaos and abuse," Cole says. "Sometimes you find yourself acting in ways that aren't really you, because of the amount of stress that you're dealing with."
Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse," says narcissists notoriously try to cheat rules. This goes for parenting plans and custody agreements.
"It is high-conflict, high-stress, and you'll have someone that will try to change the rules on you," Sarkis says. "It can cause chronic stress, both for you and for the children. It can make you question your value as a person. It can make you question your value as a parent. It can potentially cause issues for you in future relationships."
What happens when a narcissist parents?They force their kids into these roles.
For many, one of the most challenging things about raising kids with a narcissist is seeing how the narcissist treats their children.
Narcissists will try to use kids against their former partner by gaslighting or manipulating children into distrusting their other parent or by blaming the other parent for things that are the narcissist's fault.
They will also go out of their way to disrespect and demean the other parent to their kids.
It's especially hard when children are too innocent to see how harmful the narcissistic parent is.
Sarkis says calling out or disparaging the narcissist to your kids is almost certainly a bad idea; however, she encourages parents to teach children about the importance of boundaries, empathy and treating people with kindness more broadly.
"You don't necessarily need to bring up the parent − you have to be very careful about that − but you can talk to them about healthy boundaries with people in general," she says. "It's also OK to tell your kids if someone is treating you in a way that you're not comfortable with, then it's OK to say 'no.' "
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Raising kids with a narcissist? Follow these tips.
Sarkis and Cole offer the following guidance for people co-parenting with a narcissist.
- Document everything: Parenting apps that track drop-off and pick-up times, as well as other aspects of an agreed parenting plan, can prove helpful in keeping the narcissist accountable, Sarkis says.
- Lawyer-up: It's imperative to have a family law attorney that "is knowledgeable in high-conflict co-parenting," Sarkis says.
- Model empathy for your kids and validate their feelings: Be the counter to the narcissist in your children's lives by showing and teaching respect, compassion and empathy. This will also lower the odds your kids will grow up to be narcissists themselves. "All relationships with narcissists are surface-level, which means you can fill the gaps and teach your kids what a healthy relationship looks like," Cole says.
More:Jonah Hill and why those alleged leaked texts are problematic
veryGood! (6833)
Related
- The FTC says 'gamified' online job scams by WhatsApp and text on the rise. What to know.
- Reseeding the Sweet 16: March Madness power rankings of the teams left in NCAA Tournament
- Search for survivors in Baltimore bridge collapse called off as effort enters recovery phase
- Lego head mugshots add to California’s debate on policing and privacy
- IRS recovers $4.7 billion in back taxes and braces for cuts with Trump and GOP in power
- New concussion guidelines could get athletes back to exercise, school earlier
- Are you eligible to claim the Saver's Credit on your 2023 tax return?
- U.N. Security Council passes resolution demanding immediate Hamas-Israel war cease-fire, release of hostages
- Jamie Foxx reps say actor was hit in face by a glass at birthday dinner, needed stitches
- Cases settled: 2 ex-officials of veterans home where 76 died in the pandemic avoid jail time
Ranking
- What to watch: O Jolie night
- Pennsylvania train crash highlights shortcomings of automated railroad braking system
- Brittany Mahomes Shares She's Struggling With Hives and Acne in New Makeup-Free Selfies
- Clive Davis on new artists like Bad Bunny, music essentials and Whitney Houston
- NFL Week 15 picks straight up and against spread: Bills, Lions put No. 1 seed hopes on line
- Tiny, endangered fish hinders California River water conservation plan
- Cook up a Storm With Sur La Table’s Unbelievable Cookware Sale: Shop Le, Creuset, Staub, All-Clad & More
- What Lamar Odom Would Say to Ex Khloe Kardashian Today
Recommendation
EU countries double down on a halt to Syrian asylum claims but will not yet send people back
McDonald's to start selling Krispy Kreme donuts, with national rollout by 2026
Cook up a Storm With Sur La Table’s Unbelievable Cookware Sale: Shop Le, Creuset, Staub, All-Clad & More
MLB's five most pivotal players to watch for 2024
Gen. Mark Milley's security detail and security clearance revoked, Pentagon says
If you see this, destroy it: USDA says to 'smash and scrape' these large invasive egg masses
You might spot a mountain lion in California, but attacks like the one that killed a man are rare
Trader Joe's bananas: Chain is raising price of fruit for first time in 20 years